The Whistling Chickens on the Air and in the Air

            “Well that is a lot to ponder” said Hammond hanging up the phone. His wife, Ester Egger just stared at her husband knowing that a “ponder” had to work its way to the surface in its own good time. 

            Hammond chewed and sucked on his pipe; oh he never lit it, he just loved the feel of it in his hand and the smell of cherry tobacco he kept unlit in the long stemmed bowl. “It reminds me that my pondering needs a spark and that spark is always within my reach.” He would say.

 “That my dear wife was the producer of “Morning Breeze” TV program on KRPT TV. They saw the report in our local paper about the parade and want us to come into the studio for an interview.”

 “And?” said Ester, knowing that furrow on his forehead.

  “And they want the chickens to whistle for them.” Replied Hammond.

            Hammond got to work on the old horse trailer “As is, with all there in, no peeking” which he had bought at a yard sale a week ago. (The “all there in” inspired Hammond to pay $50.00 for the privilege of peeking at home.)   Emptying out the contents in the shed he found swim fins, face mask and snorkel, 5 ½  pairs of yellow rubber boots of various sizes, gunny sacks, a baby carriage, garden wind spinners in the shape of flowers, bailing wire, used horse shoes and a couple of empty barrels.  Working the morning away Hammond had covered all the openings with chicken wire and built roosts inside with partitions to shelter the chickens from the wind. “Just needs a coat of yellow paint and it is fit for the road,” said Hammond.

            Inside the house Yoakum, the Egger's Springer Spaniel Chicken Herding Dog, (still smelling of the pine tar soap from the scrubbing he got after landing in the pig pen covered in honey and feathers) was staring at the computer screen as Ester was surfing the net for napkin ideas for the “Every Third Wednesday-Except During Corn Husking Season-Ladies Quilt and Horse Shoe Club” luncheon. The theme this month was “Our fighting boys of the air.” Martha is going to make deviled eggs in the shape of a B 52 and Lonny is bringing two gooseberry pies. When questioned as to what this has to do with flight. She said “Howard Hughes.      
            Martha said, “Yes dear and?”                                          

 “Well” said Lonny “He was rich.”

 “Ok dear, but why gooseberry pie?”

 “Why Martha everybody knows he made the “Spruce Goose” for the military." Lonny always brought gooseberry pie and no matter what the theme was she had an explanation.

            Yoakum could not believe his eyes! On the computer screen was a picture of the perfect flying thing! He barked and put his front paws on the keyboard accidentally hitting the print screen button.  Ester laughed and said “Yoakum! Get down you silly dog! That’s just a Sopwith Camel! Now Get!” Yoakum spun in circles and the breeze he made caused the picture in the printer to fly out, Yoakum grabbed it and ran outside.

            Yoakum could not believe his luck!  The perfect flying thing, the ”Soppy Camo!” He knew just who could help him, off he ran to the beaver pond. The beavers were busy as usual moving wood and patting down mud. Life never stopped for them. It was almost too late when they saw Yoakum running toward them bounding over the water and onto their mound. “Well what can we do for you dearie?” Said Mrs.  Beaver. Yoakum explained his plan.

            Hammond, Ester and the chickens made their way into the big city. The bright yellow horse trailer, on its own ,was quite the object of attention but the sound of harmonizing whistling that came out of it was at times unsettling especially at stoplights. Hammond had set speakers in the trailer and controlled the songs for the birds to hear and practice. He thought three songs would be enough for the TV folk and picked out; Second Hand News - Fleetwood Mac, That’s the News - Merle Haggard: and Let it Go-The News Boys.

            They spent the night in a motel and were in the studio at 5am ready for the 6am morning show. The TV station had placed hay bales in a tiered formation for the chickens to sit on. Hammond and Ester arranged the chickens on the bales, the lights of the studio calmed them and soon the chickens were sleeping. The morning hosts of the “Morning Breeze” show were Gayle McGregorian (the male newscaster) and Gail Feely (the female newscaster.)  

            “Good morning and welcome to the Morning Breeze, consider this your “Gale” warning! Ho! Ho!  Good morning Gail.”

 “And good morning to you Gayle.” “Today we have the Eggers on our show with their flock of whistling chickens!”

 “Gail did you say whistling chickens?”

“Yes Gayle, I did. These are the same chickens that caused a ruckus at the Fourth of July parade this year in the rural town of...”

“Say Gail let’s talk to the owners of these chickens before we are up to our elbows in eggs Ho! Ho!”

And so Hammond and Ester told the story of the whistling chickens and were soon ready to have the birds perform after the commercial break.

The chickens were half way through Let it Go when a stage light exploded. The chickens startled, quit whistling and began flying around the studio. They pecked at the cables thinking they were worms. And they flew over Gayle and Gail teaching the duo a valuable lesson about never looking up at a flock of birds.

            At just that time a delivery man opened the large rolling door to the studio and the birds flew out into the city. Hammond told Ester, “Stay here in case they come back. I'll chase them down!” Off he went in his pickup and horse trailer. The birds attacked the city buses thinking they were giant caterpillars, and were winging their way to the park. Now the city had a pigeon problem and had started a control program several years ago using Red Tailed and Coopers Hawks. A flight of hawks saw the chickens down below them and nearly bumped into each other. “Biggest pigeons I have ever seen!" Screeched the lead hawk.

            The chickens were heading for the park, the hawks were high above the chickens waiting for their chance, and Hammond was following slowly closing the gap. On the corner at the entrance to the park there were three musicians playing for tips, a blonde muscular young man playing a trumpet, a long haired brunett young lady playing the trombone and a tall curly haired young man playing the guitar. They were playing "Killing Me Softly With His Song." The chickens came to a halt, surrounded the trio and began to whistle. Hammond was a half a block away and was relieved to see his birds on the ground but then looked up and saw a phalanx of hawks diving for his chickens. With tears in his eyes he tried to get close enough to save some of his birds when a bus blocked his view. What he saw when the bus moved out of the way would forever be burned into his memory.

            There was a crowd around the musicians and the chickens were whistling to the  trios playing; and the hawks, well the hawks were humming! Yes humming hawks! Who could have known?

 Hammond motioned for the musicians to keep playing while he herded his chickens into the trailer. The hawks wanted to follow but Hammond gently moved them aside.  Having gotten all his chickens into the trailer and closing the door, he walked over to the trio and thanked them. Looking down he saw that in each of their open instrument cases among the tip money was an egg. Hammond gave instructions on the care, handling and hatching of an egg and also gave them his phone number if they had any questions about the feeding and care of whistling chickens.

            The KRPT news truck had followed Hammond and had gotten the whole thing on live TV. Hammond and Ester spent and extra day in the city talking to news reporters, and were soon on their way back home. Little did they know that what they came home to would be a whole lot stranger than whistling chickens and humming hawks!